Not Only One Lonely Night (PG)

He answered the door and was startled to see Scully there.  It wasn’t unheard of for her to come over to his place unannounced.  In fact, they were doing just that a lot more lately; still he hadn’t expected her tonight.  He’d resigned himself to being without her until Monday.

She didn’t look very happy.

“Scully?”  He motioned her in and shut and locked the door behind her.  “Is something wrong?”

She shrugged and he moved closer, hovering slightly over her.  “Scully?”

“I’m okay.  I, I need to talk to someone.”

His look of concern deepened.  “Sure, come on in.”  He led her toward the couch and seated her.  “Want a beer?”

She nodded and he headed for the kitchen.  What was bothering her?  She’d been okay at work.  At least he’d thought so.

He made his decision and just picked up the 6-pack and brought it with him to the living room.  She eyed it but didn’t comment.  He twisted off the cap of a beer and handed it to her, then took one himself.

They both took long pulls on their bottles, then Mulder leaned back trying to get comfortable.  “You, uh, you need someone to talk to?”

“Yeah.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything.”

She gave him a sick sort of smile.

“Scully?”

“I need you to be my friend tonight.”

He jerked forward, “I’m always your friend.”

“Yes, you are, but tonight I need you just to listen.  I don’t want you to fix anything and please, I don’t want you to feel guilty.”

“Guilty?”

“You know how you are, Mulder.  Can you just listen?”

“Well I can try.  Go, Scully.  Talk to me.”

She leaned back then and took another pull on the bottle.  “I’d normally talk to a girlfriend about this, but, hell I’m so disconnected from them, they couldn’t relate.”

“I’m - “

“Do not say sorry, Mulder.  Remember you’re just supposed to listen and not fix or take on responsibility.”

“Right, sorry.”

She rolled her eyes, but then seemed to focus on the coffee table.  “I grew up in a Catholic family, a strong family, four kids.  I, I think I always wanted a family, at least assumed I’d have one.  Oh, I wanted a career.  I wouldn’t have majored in Physics or gone to medical school, much less joined the Bureau, if I hadn’t wanted a career.  But I thought there would be a family in there somewhere.”

Mulder managed not to wince and bit down on another ‘I’m sorry’.

“Mom turned 21 a month after Bill was born.  She had just turned 23 when Missy came, 26 with me and 28 when she had Charlie.  With that model, I should have had my fourth child ten years ago.”  She sighed.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, you didn’t know me ten years ago, so you couldn’t have had four kids by then.”

She grinned for a moment, then turned back to the beer.  “There is that.”  She sighed.  “I wanted to be sure I had a career that led to stability.  I didn’t want to move around, I wanted to buy a home and live there forever, not even changing the furniture, just getting into my comfortable, familiar rut, cutting up dead bodies during the day.”

Mulder did wince then but chuckled.

“I don’t even own my own apartment, after all these years I’m still renting.  Okay, I do still live in DC and this is the longest I’ve ever lived in one place but it’s not enough.”

He felt a thrill of fear run up his spine.  Leaving?  She wasn’t leaving; she hadn’t said she was leaving.  He forced himself to take another drink, feinting calm.

“I have a great job,” she did laugh then at the look of shock on his face.  “Really, I do.  It’s incredible.  I’m stimulated, intrigued, baffled and I look forward to going to work every day and part of that is about the work.”

He looked puzzled then.  Part of that was about the work?

“I have this really great partner.  He’s fun and brilliant and maddening and, and Spooky.”

“Great?”

“Don’t fish for compliments.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“He’s the main reason I look forward to going to work.  But I just want more.  I want those things I postponed, thinking that they were inevitable.”

“If they were only postponed - “

“I didn’t finish telling you about my partner.  In addition to being so brilliant and everything, he’s also sexy as hell.”

She chanced a glance up and saw the stunned look on his face.

“One of the best things about him is he doesn’t have a clue how sexy he is.  He doesn’t realize that all of the women and at least half the men at the Bureau check him out every time he walks by.”

“Only half?” he managed to say.

She was staring down into the mouth of her bottle but he saw her lips curl up into a slight smile.

“He did me a favor a few weeks ago.  It was huge, the biggest favor I’ve ever asked anyone.  I still don’t know where I found the courage, but he said yes because he knew how important it was to me.  It, it didn’t work out the way I wanted, but he was there for me and with me.  That’s when I realized that he would do anything for me.”

“I would, you know.”

“And I realized that, that he loves me.”

She glanced up again and he gave her a slow nod.

“As wonderful as that feels, it scares me as well.”  She saw some panic come into his eyes, but she continued.  “I don’t know how to handle that because it’s so foreign to me and I don’t think I could stand it if I did something that ruined things, that, that drove him away,” he opened his mouth but she continued, “because, you see, I love him too.”

Mulder seemed turned to stone for a moment, just staring at her.  “You love me?”  he finally got out.

She nodded.  “But what do I do about that?”

“Do you really think you’d drive me away?  After all we’ve . . . “

“We’re not exactly couple material, Mulder.”

“Are you sure?  It feels like we’ve been a couple for a long time.”

She was looking down into her bottle again.  Finally she took a deep breath.  “Thank you for listening to me.  I should get out of your hair now.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No.  I need to - “

“You need to stay, Scully.  Tit for tat, I haven’t gotten to say much.”

Now it was her time to look wary.

“I should tell you about my partner.  She mesmerizes me, without even trying.  Sometimes she stretches, rotating her neck and leaning back and I find myself focused on the curve of her breast.”  Scully’s face reddened but she stayed quiet.  “And her eyebrow, damn I never thought of eyebrows as sexy until her.  She can stop me dead with the thing and make me forget everything I was doing or thinking or feeling.  She thinks I’m dense or clueless sometimes and if she’s right about me being checked out, she doesn’t realize I don’t see it because I’m fighting so hard not to smash my fist into the face of all the people that are checking her out.  All of the men and at least half of the women at the Bureau.”

“Only half,” he saw that tiny smile again and relaxed slightly.

“Maybe a little more than half.  She doesn’t seem to realize that she did me a bigger favor than I did her a few weeks ago.  She let me see her need and let me at least try to fill it.  I don’t think she knows what that meant to me.  No, things didn’t turn out like either of us wanted, but I think, I hope she realizes that it brought us closer regardless of the outcome.  I want her to know that I think of us as a couple.  I have for some time now, though I’ll admit I probably haven’t shown her well enough.  And since we’re being honest here, I very much want her to stay here tonight and, and let me make love to her all night.”

“Wha -  “ her eyes were the size of saucers, but she was facing him now.  “What did you say?”

He shrugged.  “Thought I’d take my shot.  Are you armed?”

“M-Mulder, I said you didn’t have to fix anything.”

“But if I want to, okay not fix, but . . . Scully, I want to be with you.”

She was watching him closely, reading every nuance of his face.  “You do.”  She sounded breathless, stunned.  “What if, what if we’re not - “

“Good?  Scully, I’ve been watching you for six and a half years, wanting you for at least six of that.  I’d like to think I know what you’d want.”  She only swallowed, watching him.

“Mulder, we’ve never even kissed.”

“Not true, New Year’s Eve.”

“Does that count?”

“It counted for me.  You’d just saved my life, again.  Since you’re not sure about it . . . “ he leaned in and when she didn’t retreat, let his lips softly brush against her lips.  She didn’t push him away so he continued, nipping at her lower lip, her upper lip, the tip of her nose.  “Scully?”

“Mmm.”

He smiled then, maybe he really did understand what Dana Scully wanted.  Might as well go for broke.  “Scully, let’s get married.”

She did draw back then.  “What?”

“Let’s elope.  We can go to South Carolina tonight.”

“Now you think you want to marry me?”

“Yes.  Look, like you said, we’re not a ‘normal’ couple.  I’m not going to ask you to take my name.  Regardless you’ll always be Scully to me.  I’m thinking we should keep our apartments, we’re both used to our own space.  We both know it would be dangerous to even let anyone know we were married, so we could keep it - “

“Secret?”

“You don’t like the idea.”

“Actually, I do.  It, it feels . . . right.”

“You wouldn’t mind?  I mean, I’m not talking white lace and mass.”

She looked at him for a moment, then shook her head.  “We would both have . . . space.  I, I kind of like the feel of that.  I wouldn’t be smothering you.”

“You never would,” he said gently.  “Now me, I could see me smothering you.”

She smiled then.  “I could probably keep you in line.”

“You have so far.”

“That was in line?”

“Hey!” he protested, but he grinned.  “Let’s do it.  Let’s get in the car and head to South Carolina right now.”

She shook her head.  “Not tonight.”

“You think I’ll have to courage to ask again if you refuse?” he asked quietly.

“I’m not saying no.  I just don’t know if I should buy a pig in a poke.”

“What?”

“Sorry, my grandmother’s expression.  I don’t know if I want to make such a decision without all the facts.”  He still looked puzzled.  “Don’t you think I should check out the goods first?”

Comprehension dawned and a smile began to grow on his face.  “I’d very much like you to check out the ‘goods’, Scully.”

She blushed but didn’t look away.  This was Mulder, the man who populated all of her fantasies now.  “This is not why I came over tonight.”

“You never need an excuse, Scully.”

“I was lonely, and alone.  I, I realized after, after the favor that I didn’t have to feel that way anymore.”

“No, you don’t.”  When had he moved that close?  He was hesitating, waiting for her to make the next move.

She moved that quarter of an inch and their lips met.  No, she wasn’t lonely now; she wasn’t going to be lonely any more.